Have you ever wondered just how harebrained a heist can get? Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of criminal mishaps and hilarity as we recount the tales of some of the least savvy lawbreakers you've ever heard of. From the guy who handed a check for $360 billion to a bank teller, to the woman who applied for a job at the sheriff's office while being on their wanted list, these stories will have you roaring with laughter. We'll navigate through a series of dim-witted decisions like a burglar who literally left a paper trail to his own doorstep and would-be robbers who thought drawing on their faces with permanent marker constituted a clever disguise.
As the shadows lengthen and we draw the curtains on this episode, the laughter gives way to a chilling conclusion that might just have you checking under the bed one more time before you turn out the lights. Join us as we bid you a haunting farewell, spiced with a macabre blend of the creepy and the comedic. Don't forget to share the shivers by spreading word of our podcast, and maybe, just maybe, keep that nightlight on a tad longer tonight. After all, you never know what might be lurking in the darkness, waiting for the perfect moment to say—hello.
Have you ever wondered just how harebrained a heist can get? Brace yourself for a rollercoaster ride of criminal mishaps and hilarity as we recount the tales of some of the least savvy lawbreakers you've ever heard of. From the guy who handed a check for $360 billion to a bank teller, to the woman who applied for a job at the sheriff's office while being on their wanted list, these stories will have you roaring with laughter. We'll navigate through a series of dim-witted decisions like a burglar who literally left a paper trail to his own doorstep and would-be robbers who thought drawing on their faces with permanent marker constituted a clever disguise.
As the shadows lengthen and we draw the curtains on this episode, the laughter gives way to a chilling conclusion that might just have you checking under the bed one more time before you turn out the lights. Join us as we bid you a haunting farewell, spiced with a macabre blend of the creepy and the comedic. Don't forget to share the shivers by spreading word of our podcast, and maybe, just maybe, keep that nightlight on a tad longer tonight. After all, you never know what might be lurking in the darkness, waiting for the perfect moment to say—hello.
Well, hello, my little creepies. Oh, yes, it's that time again. We talk about UFOs and Bigfoot, paranormal true crime and conspiracy stories and all things creepy. Yes, this is the Creepy Show. You can find us online at creepyshow and I'm your host, the Master of Creep.
Speaker 2:Well, hello my little creepies. It is I, the Master of Creep. Tonight's episode is called Stupid Criminals. I started diving into the world of stupid criminals because it's funny and I don't really feel that bad for making fun of stupid people who decide to break the law. Now, in most cases, I'm not going to use their real name or their location, because I don't really want to make their life any worse than it already is. I don't really want to make their life any worse than it already is. However, I am truly amazed at the stupidity of their plan and actions. I do plan an ongoing series of these kinds of true crime stories, so this is the first of many to come. Let's jump right in.
Speaker 2:Billy Robinson steals a check. Billy had dreams of becoming a recording mogul. His plan was to start a music recording company and sign up several top rappers and make a ton of money. Sign up several top rappers and make a ton of money. He perceived his biggest obstacle was the fact that he was completely broke and he couldn't afford the down payment on a free lunch. However, his real problem was he was a complete moron. Why, if he had another brain, it would be pretty lonely. One thing that Billy had going for him was the fact that he was pretty easy to look at, and he attracted a girlfriend. Now, his girlfriend's mother owned her own business and was considered pretty smart. The sad fact is, just about everyone including their pets was smarter than Billy, though, and Billy's girlfriend still lived at home, and one day, while visiting her, he noticed her mom's checkbook sitting on the table. Why, this was his big chance to make all of his dreams come true.
Speaker 2:Billy stole a check out of the checkbook and he headed toward the bank. His plan was to simply write himself a check and cash it at the bank. What could possibly go wrong? A check and cash it at the bank. What could possibly go wrong? Billy started adding up all of the things that he thought he needed to start his recording studio. He made the check out to himself and he headed toward the bank. Now, the alert bank telliller immediately suspected that there was something wrong with the check. Perhaps it was the ten zeros on a personal check that tipped her off. Yes, billy, in his infinite wisdom, wrote the check out for a whopping $360 billion with a B. Well, I guess the thought of this might be too much never entered his microscopic brain. And, as it turns out, just the weight alone would be pretty hard for Billy to handle, since $360 billion in $100 bills would weigh approximately 7,936,560 pounds. And perhaps he was a little greedy. Of course, he was arrested for forgery.
Speaker 2:Just looking for a job. Sandra Timberman was looking for work when she ran across a posted job at the sheriff's office and the starting pay was $22 an hour, which seemed to be a pretty good deal, and the job required you to be able to type and use a simple spreadsheet. Wow, I can do that, thought Sandra. Ordinarily, this would not be a stupid criminal story, except for one thing Sandra was a fugitive. The sheriff was already looking for her because she had several active warrants. She made their job super easy by simply walking into their office by simply walking into their office. Now, her job would have included keeping track of active warrants, but it seems that she failed to keep track of her own.
Speaker 2:I titled this next crime as let's Try that Again. Sammy Black robbed the Fountain Valley Chase Bank and he got away with a large amount of money. He gave the teller a note about having a gun, so I'm sure that Sammy thought this was an easy way to get rich. Maybe it was a little too easy, because he went back to the same bank the very next day and tried to rob it again. Well, as soon as he walked through the door, employees recognized him and alerted the police. By the time Sammy made his way to the teller's window, the police were already there. As you can guess, he was caught and arrested, and it turns out they had several other warrants because of previous robbery convictions.
Speaker 2:I've heard of criminals returning to the scene of the crime, but this is ridiculous. Do you accept checks? A home invasion went south when Carlos broke into a home and demanded the owner give him cash. He made the homeowner drive to his bank to withdraw money from the ATM machine. The problem was the homeowner had only $90 in his account because he had recently paid all of his monthly bills. Carlos was super pissed off about this and he ordered the homeowner to drive back to home. Carlos said I didn't break into your house for a measly 80 bucks. You better do better than that. And the homeowner said well, I do have another online account, but I don't have a debit card for it. Can I write you a check if you promise to leave me alone? And Carlos agreed and the homeowner took out a check from his car's glove box and wrote Carlos a check for $850. And then he dropped Carlos off at a convenience store. Carlos said if you put a stop payment on this check, I'll be back. Well, the homeowner called the police and reported the crime. But about a month later the homeowner noticed that Carlos, who seemed to be a few tacos short of a combination plate, actually deposited the check into his bank account. The police were alerted again and it didn't take much detective work to figure out where Carlos lived. He was arrested the next day.
Speaker 2:Our next stupid criminal is labeled get a kick out of crime. Bernard Wilson had the bright idea of walking into a karate studio and robbing them. Bernard, who seemed to be a couple of beers short of a six-pack, was immediately met with a full can of whip-ass. I wonder if you knew what karate meant. This is one of those times when a criminal is happy to see the police arrive. His robbery attempt netted him zero dollars. If only Bernard had shared his plan with someone who actually had half a brain, he could have avoided this. Why? If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't be able to blow his hat off.
Speaker 2:The next stupid crime is called Lucky Scratch-Offs Identify Crooks. It was Jim Peterson and Jose Bonilla who learned the hard way after breaking into a convenience store in Texas a convenience store in Texas. They entered the store from the back door and immediately walked behind the checkout counter and took several packs of $10 and $20 Texas lottery scratch-off tickets. Each pack contained 100 tickets. They also stole a couple of cases of beer tickets. They also stole a couple of cases of beer. The videotape showed the pair with their faces covered with ski masks. It was obvious that they knew exactly what to go for and what to grab. All in all, they were in and out of the store in less than three minutes, even though the alarm sounded, by the time the police arrived, they were gone. It seems that these two geniuses spent the entire night getting drunk and scratching tickets and finding winners. After working feverishly for hours, they had collected more than $3,200 in winning tickets. Since neither one of the two had an ounce of brains, they decided to return to the store the very next morning to collect their winnings. The store manager told them it would take about 20 minutes to cash in all the tickets and in the meantime the police were called and the crime was solved, and the crime was solved.
Speaker 2:The next crime is called. Being Able to Read has Its Advantages. It was 5.15 in the morning and Mitchell Peterson had been driving for hours. He had been visiting a nearby town where he spent the entire night burglarizing businesses after they had closed for the evening. His car was full of his ill-gained profits, including beer, merchandise, watches and cash from cash registers. On his way back home, he decided to stop at a small motel and spend the night. He got into an argument with the motel clerk because there were no rooms to rent. Mitchell just wouldn't take no for an answer and continued to harass the motel clerk. Well, the problem was that it was not a motel clerk, it was a state trooper, and he didn't stop at a motel, he had stopped at a state trooper station. They gave him a room for the night, all right, without a checkout time. He was charged with DUI and in the process of booking him in, they searched his car, which was parked in front of the State Trooper Station, and that's where they discovered all of the stolen loot.
Speaker 2:The next crime a bank customer robs his own bank. Robert Williams decided to rob a bank and for some unknown reason, he decided to rob his own bank. He handed the teller a note and got away with a large amount of money. Well, there's really nothing new or strange about robbing a bank, but this genius stopped at the ATM machine on the way out and redeposited the money into his own account. You see, that's what happens when cousins marry. Well, this case pretty much solved itself.
Speaker 2:The next crime Car parts pointing to the guilty thieves. Car parts pointing to the guilty thieves. Why? This happened in the UK, where three criminals had the bright idea of stealing an ATM machine. They cased out a location where the ATM was stationed on the outside of a store. These three stooges wrapped a chain around the machine and attached it to their bumper. Stooges wrapped a chain around the machine and attached it to their bumper. The idea was to drag the ATM machine around to the back of the store and then cut it open with a blowtorch. Well, the ATM was bolted into the ground and when they tried to yank it off its base, it ripped the car's bumper off the back of the car. In the heat of the moment, they didn't realize that their bumper, with the car's license plate still attached, was left intact at the scene of the crime. So these three morons were quickly caught.
Speaker 2:Paper trail catches stupid criminal. This crook wins the award for the dumbest crook in the century. Dave Baskins lived next door to a small shopping center in South Carolina. To a small shopping center in South Carolina. He decided to break in and steal cash from a cash register at a local fish and chips restaurant. Well, the problem was he wasn't much smarter than fish bait. He waited until the restaurant closed and then he broke into the back door and stole the cash register. I guess he didn't notice that the cash register's tape got caught on something and was rolling a paper trail behind him. The paper trail continued to unroll all the way out the back door to his apartment's front door, about 50 feet away, to his apartment's front door, about 50 feet away. So when the police arrived, all they had to do was follow the trail of paper and they found Dave still trying to break into the cash register, robbing a gun store with a baseball bat. Yes, as stupid as that sounds, it happened.
Speaker 2:Dee Mosley decided to rob a gun store armed with only a baseball bat. Well, of course, the owner pulled out one of his many guns and held Dee until the police arrived. How stupid do you have to be to even think that this was going to work? Here's my phone number. Ruben decided to rob a muffler shop. He pulled out a gun and he told the staff to fill up the bag. The employees told Ruben that most of the money is locked in the safe and could only be opened by the manager, and the manager wasn't scheduled to arrive for several more hours. Reuben, being the mental giant that he was, gave them his phone number and told them to call him when the manager arrived. So, as you can imagine, he was caught and arrested.
Speaker 2:And now it's time for the last stupid crime. I call it the worst disguise ever. Joey and Matthew decided to go on a robbing tour. They didn't use a mask or hoods, but instead they drew all over their face with permanent markers. Well, a permanent marker is very hard to wash off, which is the reason that it's called a permanent marker, and this left the men extremely easy to identify, kind of like a turd in a punch bowl. Back at the police station, these two were nicknamed as Dumb and Dumber. Well, that's it for this week, my little creepies. Once again, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next week.
Speaker 1:As the casket closes on another creepy episode. As the casket closes on another creepy episode, we bid you farewell to the shadows that danced upon your fears. Oh, and thank you for joining us on this creepy journey into the unknown, where the darkness whispers secrets and the silence echoes within your soul. Find us online for some extra creepy content at creepyshow and if you happen to make it through the night, don't forget to share this podcast with someone you want to terrorize. Good night, my little creepies. Sleep with one eye open, for the night is long and full of horror. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha.